this is a poster paired with an originally authored poem. Both explore personal experiences hiding mental illness in public. The work was made with scanned images of my hands and text.

The floor is moving, but everything is so so calm

Everyone sits silently, unaware.

I imitate them, planting my feet on unsolid ground.

They continue with their work

I smoothe down my uniform and look at the screen

I’m given my tasks, and I give in return a smile and my livelihood

I give a face of peace and control, a laugh when needed

It is impossible for them to know

No one can see my skin crawl, with worlds of thoughts crawling underneath.

Only I can see the spiderwebs mapping out behind my lids with every blink.

My hands are white on the seat,

I’m gripping the sides; sweating and trembling and frigid

Only I know my pains and plans, the thoughts driving every move.

These feed the thoughts of panic, of movement at all moments

I rid myself of emotion, thinking only of my next breath

I think strategically, like I’m leading a war

They are just game pieces, everyone.

I blur my real life and live the one growing like a fog in my mind

I let my face slip, a twitch of my hand, almost giving away that I am not, in fact, here.